A New Year. A New Life.

This was me with my braces last year. One of the more painful experiences in my life and I must confess that I am very glad that they are out of my mouth. No more poking, cutting, tearing, ripping of the tender flesh inside of my mouth.

Don't get me wrong. I am very grateful that I was able to have them and my teeth look fabulous now. I am just glad to be free from the pain.

This new year I want to complain less and praise Him more. I want to trust and worship Him on a deeper level. I want to rest satisfied in the correctness of God.

God is good, all of the time!

Encouragement for your calling

I just wanted to share some cool things that ministered to my heart during last weeks teaching on the book of Nehemiah, chapter 6.

As they were about to finish the work, the enemy came to do them harm The Lord gave discernment to know the trickery and deception of the enemy.

Be confident and do not leave the work that the Lord has put before you!

Resist temptation to be distracted or pulled away from what God has called you to do!

Be clear on what God has called you to do and do it!

Don’t come down from it!

Say no to things outside of your calling and yes to the things inside of your calling.

Don’t believe the lies and don’t let the liars (accusers) drag you down with them to their level.

We can’t govern our own tongues so we can’t expect to govern the tongues of others.

Say less, pray more, love more and forgive more.

Press forward in your calling!

You are a leader! Lead them to the cross!

Watch out for false prophets and prophesies that will cause you to doubt God. Would God tell you things that contradict what He has already spoken to you? No!

Trust God, not in circumstances or in people.

Recognize and acknowledge the triumph in your life!

Praise God for what He is doing!

He will rebuild!

He will restore!

He will finish what He has begun!

Don’t sell the Lord short.

Give God Glory!

Worship your King!

If Nothing Changes, Nothing Changes!

I once had a friend who quoted this to me all of the time, "If nothing changes, nothing changes!" To be honest it used to drive me crazy when she would say this to me because the truth is that change for me is frightening and even if the rut I am stuck in is uncomfortable, at least it is a familiar discomfort.

So now I find myself in a place of change. A place where the Lord has asked me to leave my comfort zone, my busyness, and to be still and truly let Him inside to heal the brokenness inside of my heart. A time to let Him pull up the deep roots that have entangled my heart for so long.

I love the Lord so much, and it bothers me that I seem to always end up back in the wilderness, grumbling, complaining and murmuring about one thing or another. It blows my mind that I am this way because I know how good God is and how much He has given for me to have life and to have it so abundantly. In reality, I have everything that I need and more but there is always one thing or another that seems to be lacking or unfulfilled and this is the snare that catches my foot and pulls me back in to the stronghold of doubt in His faithfulness to fulfill His promises to me.

As I read Psalm 33 this morning I felt led to pray it back to God and thought that it might minister to someone's heart as it has to mine. May God bless you and keep you close to His heart.

Dear Lord,

You formed my heart and You consider all I do. I can not be saved or escape anything by my own strength. My hope for deliverance can only be found in You. Your eyes are on those who fear You, on those whose hope is in Your unfailing love, to deliver them from death and to keep them alive in famine. I wait in hope for You Lord; You are my help and shield. In You my heart rejoices, for I trust in Your holy name. May Your unfailing love rest upon me, O Lord, even as I put my hope in You.

Murky Waters

So life has taken over and serving others takes time away from blog postings, so if anybody actually looks at this blog...sorry that I don't write anymore. Forget about finding time to Facebook, how do you people do it? Anyway, a friend encouraged me to do this blog and at the time I thought it was pretty cool but now I just don't feel like I am that interesting.
God is interesting though. Today I had one of those days where the p.m.s. was beginning to rage within me, the pit of sadness was causing a lump in my throat as I tried to choke back the tears. I finally lost it when someone actually took the time to look into my eyes and saw the pain that I was in and then took the time to sit and to talk and to pray with me. Surprisingly, that doesn't happen for me very often at church. It seems to me that when people ask me how I am doing they really aren't that interested in the real answer.

I remember one time I was in one of those deep pits of sadness that I get and someone came up and asked me how I was doing. I told her that I wasn't doing that great and she put a big smile on her face and said that's great and walked away! Hello! Did you hear what I said? Do you care what I said? What's the deal?
God has an interesting way of teaching me how to depend on Him and not people. I tell you that it is hard because I can look and see people. I can hear them, I can touch them, I can feel them and I even smell them (sometimes I wish that I couldn't). Unfortunately I don't always have my senses in line with God and today was one of them.

So, I pulled out my guitar and cried out to Him. I told Him how desperate I was for Him. How I couldn't dig myself out of this pit that I had fallen into. How I didn't want to do what I had to do. How I couldn't do it without Him and how I wanted to glorify Him in the things that I do. How my spirit is dead without Him. How I am like dry bones, a walking dead woman when He turns His face from me. I told Him how much I love Him and how He created me and everything that I see, feel, taste, hear and smell.
After all was sung and done, I had joy. I had a heart filled with wonder and awe. A heart filled with praise for my Lord. The right kind heart. Even as the pain began to stab and to jab me, He was with me, quieting me with His love and then He gave me this sweet word to encourage me some more when I got home.

Zephaniah 3:16-17
“ Do not fear; Zion, let not your hands be weak. The LORD your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.”

I Walk By Faith

Walking by faith is not always an easy thing for me to do. I confess that I am a bit of a control freak. Fortunately, I am slowly coming to realize that it really does not pay off when I try pull the strings instead of trusting God to accomplish His plan and His will for my life.
So I am stepping out in faith and putting a recording of me playing the guitar and singing the song "I walk by faith" with the hope of perhaps overcoming this horrible fear of playing my guitar in front of people. Someday, soon, I would like to use the gift that the Lord has given me, but at this point my confidence is in my own flesh and that is a frightening place to be.

Christian the Lion

A friend asked me to find something for her on You Tube called "Christian the Lion". I found it and thought that I would put it on the blog because it is really sweet. Also, the Lord has been speaking to me about the importance of Love and I am really trying to listen and pay attention to what He is saying to me. 

I think this is another sweet reminder of how important it is to obey God's command "You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” This story shows me that love is lasting and powerful even in the animal kingdom. 

May we never forget that God loves us more than the animals and that His love for us is everlasting, eternal.

A reflection of things to come.

Last summer, I went on a trip to Kauai, Hawaii with a friend and her family. It was an amazing time with the Lord, and it felt like I was on a honeymoon with Jesus. It was the first trip, in a long time where I had no agenda, no itinerary, and no scheduled plan of events. All I wanted to do was lay in the sun and rest and be refreshed. 

Recently, I was reminded about a vision that I had while laying at the pool one day in Kauai, and I thought that I would share it on this blog to remind myself of the faithfulness of God and to possibly encourage someone with my testimony.

I wrote this letter to a friend who had given me a note of encouragement and as I read her encouragement I realized that it was a direct word of confirmation to me from my Husband, my Savior, my Friend, my Jesus. 

And it goes a little something like this...
You said in your letter to me “My heart was blessed by the work of God in your life. All of the sudden I saw what a beautiful bride you are. The presence of Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit shine through you”. I thought "Wow! When I look at me, I see evil thoughts, I see a critical nature, and I see a wicked heart. I don’t see the bride, all dressed in white, that's for sure"…
So here is the Kauai story that I shared with my friend in response to her encouragement. This is a true story and no I wasn't drunk, hung-over, or on any mind altering chemicals. LOL
One day, while I was lounging in the sun in Kauai, I was reading the book Pilgrims Progress. Have you read it? There is a part in the story when Christiana, a new pilgrim, and her family have just been attacked, but were rescued by their guide Mr. Goodheart. After the battle they arrive at their destination only to be told by Mr. Goodheart that he would not accompany them further from this point. When asked why not, he replied that she had not asked his master for a guide and protector for the complete journey, and if she had asked, she would have received.
This made me kind of sad and I began to think that I had never looked at having a husband as a spiritual guide and protector in that way before. I know that the Lord is all of this to me and so much more, and I struggle with the thoughts of “is this desire to have a husband an idol in my life or did the Lord put it there”, so sometimes I lose faith and get discouraged because I want what I want and I want it now and when I don't get it I throw a fit! One day I want a husband, one day I don’t, and quite often I don't really know what I want so I get even more confused. 

I decided that I had better go to the Lord in prayer and so I asked Him that if it was His will that He would send a guide and protector into my life and that I would be willing to receive his love. I also confessed the desire to honor and to serve him as a bride should.
A little while later, maybe it was heat stroke-ha-ha-ha, I began gazing at the billowing clouds and suddenly the form of a bride appeared, dressed in a beautiful and flowing white gown, slowly the wind moved the clouds into a new image of a bride in a completely different wedding gown, just as beautiful as the first but this one had a satin sash around the waist just below the bosom and the bride was holding a bouquet. I was in awe! I was praising Him the whole time, saying, Lord, You are amazing! This is so cool!!!
Next, the image of the bride turned sideways into a profile and as it was being formed I began to see my profile, my image. No way, Lord! How did You do that? You are amazing! And then another image began to take shape directly behind my profile. Back to back was the profile of the Bridegroom and Bride. Did I recognize his face, no. Was it the Lord? Was it my future husband? 
So this image floats away into the blue sky, and I am moved deeply by the experience and I am longing to see His face. I cry out to Him and ask Him if He would show Himself to me. Lord, this may sound silly but You are God, will You show me your face in the clouds? Soon a little puff of a cloud appears and it turns into an angel who has wings and a trumpet, announcing the arrival of the King, and with the next cloud there sits the Lord, on His throne, sitting ever so humbly, gently, patiently, lovingly, tenderly inviting, offering a place to sit, to rest and to relax. And I see yet another cloud image, and it’s that of a girl, dressed in a simple white gown, arms outstretched to the sky, but legs leaping away from the throne and from His lap.

I knew that the little girl was me and my heart broke at the bittersweet thought of seeing myself jumping away from Him with my arms outstretched. Doing things my way, going ahead of Him, but reaching out for Him; (no wonder I’m confused☺) trying to be the judge, jury and author of mine and other people’s lives and relationships with God; not loving as He loves; losing faith through selfish unfulfilled desires; being discouraged by peoples words and my interpretation of those words; allowing the truth to be confused with the lies in my mind. The adversary walks about like a roaring lion...

Seeing His love for me in a whole new realm, is a little out of my comfort zone, so my prayer is that I would learn to slow down and sit in His lap. I am tired of running away from His love, and pray that I would continue to be able to receive it as He reveals it. As I begin to see and accept the reality that I am His bride, I pray for His love to be made real within my heart, and that no doubt would come between us. It is my hearts prayer to understand His grace and mercy for me, and how to extend that grace and mercy to those that He ministers to through this life that He has given to me.

In closing, it is funny that as I read this again, many months later, I look back and wonder how could I have forgotten that vision so easily? How could I have run away from Him, if only for a night, so quickly? How could I have forgotten my own prayer to Him? How could I have allowed myself to believe all the lies from the adversary? 

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now I'm found, was blind, but now I see.